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The World’s Worst Subway by Elon Musk

Many instances you will have been driving the subway and have had the thought, “What’s flawed with this dang subway is that it’s not exponentially costlier and slower than this.” Many occasions you might have seethed, by clenched enamel, “Goddammit, it simply churns my guts that this subway doesn’t require me to be personal and convey alongside—and in addition to having outfitted with a particular set of retractable sideways wheels that serve no different function—my very own Tesla-model autonomous electrical automobile.”

In case you are something like me, once you get off the accursed regular subway and do not need to then hunt for a spot to park your Tesla-model autonomous electrical automobile, it fucking burns you up inside. It makes you sick! You’ve got had it as much as right here with these goddamn low-cost, quick, mass-transit choices that don’t require every rider to have introduced alongside a whole specially outfitted self-driving electrical automobile.

Tesla’s Elon Musk, undoubtedly a visionary mind genius and in no way a manic fool spaz and brazen fraud, has invented the way forward for mass transit for which we so desperately clamored: A slender, jagged dying-tunnel by the way of which, uh, one Tesla-model automobile at a time can, ah, drive … the one who owns it, plus perhaps two or three different individuals … from one place to a different … at 49 miles per hour.

Image this! It’s, it’s, you see, it’s a subway, solely as an alternative of trains stuffed with many dozens or lots of individuals at a time, driving by means of a grid of enormous tunnels, in a grand choreographed underground ballet able to transferring tens or lots of 1000’s of riders per hour, it’s … Tesla-model automobiles … with their house owners and possibly a pair of different individuals … driving at a reasonable pace … by narrow, bumpy tunnels with no emergency exits.

It’s excessive-velocity rail, is the factor—solely without the excessive velocity, and with the “rail” half sort of arbitrarily added onto what’s in any other case only a single-lane Tesla-solely subterranean roadway, for the aim of securing public funding in it by calling it “mass transit” and never “driving a automotive from right here to there.” And at both finish of the journey, as an alternative of simply strolling into or out of a practice station, it’s a must to navigate your complete Tesla-model autonomous electrical automotive down or up a single-automobile elevator. Additionally, every “practice” can solely carry as many individuals as can match right into a single Tesla-model autonomous electrical automotive.

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